Today when I woke up, as always I checked twitter to see if she posted anything (I think ts partly habit lol) Anyways Its been a long 4 days and i realized something, How much I actually relied on her even though I tried not to. Like on the nights I couldnt sleep I'd imagin that instead of being 6000 miles away that I was in her arms- Safe. Or the times when I'd want to bruise so badly..I closed my eyes and tried to feel her holding my hands and helping to not do it. (yes, i know im weird) So, I guess I can see how this is a good thing (That we broke up) because I mean, I knew that I relied on her more than I relied on God and being gay is a sin but i honestly didnt know just how MUCH I relied on her. So in turn- It has been a long, hard four days. but also good because i'm praying and in the Word more and forced to rely on God instead of any of my other escapes.