How do you mend a broken heart? how do you pick up the peices and carry on after everything inside you has been all but brought into nonexistance; after the very roots of the garden in your heart have been uprooted and ripped out? When all you feel is an empty numbness and disconnected from reality- everything seems so distant and nothing makes sence anymore. Even thinking is hard because the only thing you want to think about is Her Even though you know you're overn-thinking you start asking if they stopped loving you, if you did something wrong one to many times. If you didnt pay enough attention or give up enough things; you start to analyze you character and wonder if you were more selfish that you thought- if they maybe saw how ugly you really are and stopped being even remotely attracted to you.. How do you mend a broken heart?
Just a couple days ago my girlfriend of two years broke up with me. I mean, we had our problems like for one- I absolutely SUCKED at texting back and about talking about anything. I know that I should have talked about my problems more- not for the fact of unloading but for the simple fact that it would show her I trusted her. Normally this wouldnt be a problem in a relationship, Like; we could cuddle and physically (Not meaning sex) show each other that we cared but in this instance, communication was everything because unlike most couples we lived 6000 miles away from each other (We lived on completely different continents). We also we on completely different sides when if came to "sensitive" topics like politics (Im conservative she was...im not sure) , abortion (I hate abortion she was pro-choice), animal rights, religion (I'm Christian she believes in evolution.) , ect. Even though we had different opinions we still loved each other and it didn't bother us to much.
I dont even know why I'm writing this, I mean. I should be happy right? With the distance out of the way and the conviction from my faith gone I should be happier than a lark..right? Well, for every reason possible, yes, I should be, but im not. I'm numb and almost indifferent torwards this, To some extent I should be used to being in this spot because for all 2011 and part of 2012 we couldnt spend a month together without breaking up (Or me running away cos i was either afraid of my feelings or my because of my faith or for any other reason.). But still, even after I hurt her by leaving time after time she still took me back. But Now its 2013, I'm 16 years old and we had been together over a year straight without breaking up, I fell even more inlove with her even though I did an absolutely crap job at showing her that I loved her..I was still in love with her. My life contradicts itself so much right now and I honestly dont know what to do with my life right now except keep my half-way promise not to cut again (even though I bruised last night..:() and to keep her butterfly alive (I succeeded cos it faded before i bruised). And read my bible and try praying even though I feel almost nothing..
Life right now is like driving through a thick fog. You can only see afew feet of the road infront of you with just thin lines on the sides directing you in the right direction. While you drive along the path of life you sometimes go through low foggy plains, and the only thing you can see is the path under your feet, but as for the path ahead it is unknown and you have no way of seeing it. This is Life. Instead of worrying about whats ahead, focus on the here and now- I'm not say to just completely ignore it because the future soon becomes the present and the present soon becomes the past. Trust in God's steadfast love, strength and forgiveness because He knows whats ahead and (Romans 8:28) works all things for the good of those who love Him.