Inner Selfishness

Hello, sorry I havnt posted anything for afew days- I didn't know what to write. Been busy helping out my neighbor Gennie, working, working, and drivers ed. (Which I only have like..3 more days of till its finished :) ) I've been blessed so much with these and other opportunities but unfortunately- sometimes I forget to look and notice them. Opportunities to be a comfort to Jayne or a Friend to Bob, sometimes I'm so wrapped up on my thoughts and bad mood that I miss opportunities to do the 'smaller' things. Like holdong the door for someone or just shooting a random person a smile. I miss these and so many othere things when I'm focused on guess who- myself. I'm not talking about 'shes better but I wa.t to be ontop, so I'm going to do whatever it takes to put ME ontop.' Or that sort of outer selfishness. I'm talking about inner selfishness. When all that I'm thinking about is 'shes prettier than ME', "Ill never be good enough for anyone", 'She dosn't like ME', 'theres no point in trying if she didn't care about Me' ALL these thongs revolve around Me. It's not only taking my thoughts away from 'are they ok?' 'do they need a *smile*' 'do they have enough to cover their meal..?' But it also puts my in a bad mood!


Have you ever noticed how everyone on the world seems to be in a 'bad mood' or too 'busy' to help? They all seem to be weighed down, and wounded. Just ready for the day to end so they can go home to bed and give their tired feet a rest. But we are not of the world., we are the chosen, the choice, the Elect. God's sheep and His followers. Dosn't this set us appart from the world then? I mean, if someone was walking around downtown in clothes that said 'Salvation!' And a robe with the word 'ROGHTEOUSNESS' printed along the back WITH a stamp across their forhead that says 'God's Elect!'. Wouldnt that make them stand out just a little bit?


The world is so consumed in selfishness that its sad, but if we are diffrent from the world, why are we following the same mindset and blending in? I'm 16 almost 17 right now, I know I am at a very selfish age.everyone's always trying to give me advice on where to go and what to do, my uncles telling me I NEED to know where I am going after school and what I'm gonna be doing. My Grama says I have to be able to provide for myself I need to know where I'm gonna get a job. But here lately, during my graduation when I'm praying that God would just show me the next step He wants me to take, this verse has popped up-Jerimiah 29:11 'For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.' This gives me hope to wait on the Lord and see what He has in store. But again, I'm at a very selfish age, instead of being open to opportunitys, I'm worried and self concious about my hair, eyes, clothes, smell (and many other things). Little things about me that really should have no meaningful grasp in my conciousness except to keep myself healthy by keeping clean and knowing when to change my clothes.


But Instead, I worry about them so much that I put myself in a bad mood, make myself anxious. I'm so focused on my inner critic screaming about how many fashion mistakes I'm making that I miss out on the still small voice deep inside me. I miss out on opportunities. I blend into the selfish clound of the world, turn my mood card from a happy 'how are you' yellow to a sad 'leave me alone' grey.


We seem to be walking in a sea of 'leave me alone' grey, we probably always will be. No matter what someone somewhere is always going to be in a bad mood but why are we just blending in? We should be letting that yellow shine like a candle because because we are the light of the world.


So shine on, flash that yellow card out and don't listen to your inner critic (because God made you beautiful, just read psalm 139) listen for God. Keep your eyes and ears open for the opportunities He gives you.


Thanks or eading and sorry for rambling, I hope it all makes sence (and that the spelling is ok lol)

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